Not Just a Mom: How I Lost Myself and Found Someone Even Better

Motherhood has a way of sneaking up on you. One day you’re the person you’ve always known—a friend, a professional, a dreamer with hobbies—and the next you’re “Mom,” the one who packs lunches, ties shoes, and sings lullabies at 2 a.m. 

It happens so quickly that it can feel like everything else that defined you fades into the background, swallowed up by this all-encompassing title. If you’ve ever felt that sense of identity loss after becoming a parent, trust me, you’re not alone. 

It’s something I went through too. But here’s the surprising thing: in losing pieces of who I thought I was, I found someone even better. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll see yourself in this story.

The Early Days: The Blur of "Mom" Life

The beginning was a blur. You dive headfirst into motherhood, navigating sleepless nights and endless feedings. Your world becomes completely centered on this tiny human being, and it feels wonderful—but also overwhelming. 

Have you noticed how quickly your conversations shift to baby milestones and diaper brands? It didn’t happen overnight, but I gradually realized I was slipping away from other parts of myself.

Realizing Something Was Missing

It hit me one day when a friend asked what I’d been reading lately. My brain froze. I couldn’t remember the last time I picked up a book. I couldn’t recall the last time I went to a yoga class or even sat in silence without mentally organizing the day’s to-do list. 

It was as though the “me” I used to know had been quietly packed away to make room for “Mom.” Does that sound familiar? This realization was the spark I needed—it was time to reconnect with myself.

The Guilt That Came With Change

Of course, the thought of prioritizing myself felt selfish at first. You tell yourself, “I don’t have time for this,” or, “My kids need me more than I need me.” But here’s the truth: when you ignore yourself for too long, it’s not just you who suffers—it’s everyone around you. 

A burnt-out version of yourself isn’t the person your family deserves. Once I let go of the guilt and started saying, “I matter too,” everything started to shift.

Rediscovering Old Passions

I began small. I picked up an old favorite book, one I hadn’t touched in years. I told my family I would be reading and to hold all questions until 20 minutes had passed. Then, I sat down in my favorite chair with some headphones, and read. 

Maybe for you, it’s learning an instrument, gardening, or baking. At first, it felt clunky, like wearing shoes that didn’t quite fit. My children had a hard time adjusting, not going to lie, it filled me with a sense of guilt. 

But the more I leaned into those creative outlets, the more a spark reignited inside me. The guilt slowly melted away. You don’t have to dive headfirst into something new; sometimes reclaiming something old is just as powerful.

Learning to Let Others Help

One of the greatest challenges for me (and maybe you?) was accepting help. For years, I thought asking for help made me less of a “good mom.” But the truth is, leaning on your village—whether it’s a partner, friends, or trusted sitters—makes you a better one. 

When I handed over some responsibilities, I found time for the things that brought me joy. And you know what? My kids thrived anyway.

Making Peace With the New You

As I started carving out time for myself, I realized something surprising: I wasn’t just going back to the person I was before kids—I was evolving into someone new. It was a blend of the old and the new, with strengths I hadn’t known I had. 

Motherhood had made me more patient, resourceful, and grounded. I bet if you take a moment to reflect, you’ll see the ways you’ve grown, too.

The Beauty of Setting Boundaries

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned during this journey? The beauty of setting boundaries. Saying “no” to things that don’t serve me and “yes” to the things that do. It’s liberating, isn’t it? That includes your children, too. They can wait a little while for their 15th snack of the day. 

And it’s okay to protect your time fiercely. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation.

Teaching Your Kids Through Your Actions

Perhaps the most unexpected reward of rediscovering myself was realizing it’s a gift to my children. When they see me pursuing my passions, taking care of my mental health, or simply making time for joy, it teaches them to do the same. 

You show them that their happiness matters because yours does, too. While your children are your world, it’s time you made yourself the center of that world. Your ability to thrive as a mother, and your children to thrive under you, starts with you taking care of yourself. 

Creating a Routine That Honors You

So how do you keep the momentum going? For me, it was about creating a routine where “me time” wasn’t optional. You need to find a system that works for you. Maybe that’s carving out 15 minutes in the morning for journaling or reserving one Saturday a month for an activity you love. 

My routine was a 20 minute sit down every day to focus on whatever I wanted to. That eventually moved into more and more of my old favorite hobbies! Sometimes I’d crochet, read, study on a topic that interested me recently, or even just sit in the sun during the summer with no (or limited) interruptions. 

What would your routine look like? You’ll find that once it becomes a habit, prioritizing yourself feels as natural as prioritizing everyone else. I found that focusing on myself, not beating myself up for being tired, gave me a sense of confidence and self-love I hadn’t seen in a long time. 

Being Grateful for the Journey

Finally, remember to appreciate the journey. Sure, losing yourself—even temporarily—can feel scary. But it’s also an opportunity. It’s an invitation to grow and evolve in ways you never imagined. 

When you look back, you might just see that “mom” isn’t the end of your story; it’s an incredible chapter in a much bigger one.

So here’s what I’ve learned: you’re not “just a mom.” You’re an entire person, with dreams, passions, and a story worth telling. And becoming a parent doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means finding new depths to who you are. 

The journey may not be linear, and it may come with its share of challenges, but it’s worth it. And in finding yourself again, you’re not just becoming the best version of you—you’re also becoming someone your kids can look up to. So take that first step back toward yourself. 

Believe me, she’s waiting.